Cooking with Coetzee: The Stately Eggplant

The thing about vegetarians is they love vegetables. I mean really. We just know this about each other. (It’s surprising to most people believe me.) Out of all the veggies in Coetzee’s Lives of Animals, eggplant, for whatever reason, stuck in the back of my mind, even though it was not even prominently featured (only mentioned once on page 33, I think, and in passing). It’s not even worth quoting, so I’m not sure why it stayed with me. You can’t eat it raw, so is it supposed to cook in my mind or something? Proust loved the otherwise poisonous asparagus, so is this why Coetzee and the fleshy, unctuous eggplant, what the British call, after the French, aubergine [o-bear-jzscheen]?

Maybe it’s just personal: eggplant is my favorite color because it’s the closest thing to black without being black. Here’s a painting I did of an eggplant to prove it!

Not only could eggplant be considered a vegetarian staple because of its “meatiness” and signature umami flavor, it is an important ingredient is some of the best dishes out there, from ratatouille to baba ganoush. Eggplant is perhaps mostly unique because its flesh is not unlike meat. When I cook it, I imagine it to be like rubber though really, because it puts up so much of a fuss. First, you have to deal with the prickly spines on the leaves, that actually kind of hurt, see picture (note this is not an ideal specimen, still a beaut):

While I don’t claim to be an expert, I put myself squarely in the salt-your-eggplant-before-you-cook-it camp. There are various theories/reasons for this: I’ve heard it’s to reduce bitterness, but that seems unlikely. Personally, I think it’s for two good reasons: it acts as a kind of pre-cooking (like brining and salting) and it sucks, or “bleeds,” out the water making it cook better, so make sure the excess water drains in the right place. The beginning of the “bleeding” process:

I leave this for three hours total, salting and mixing twice, but you could knock it down to one if you needed. If you thought eggplant couldn’t be any more of an unwilling subject, you’re wrong. Now, rinse off the salt, put skin side down and crush between (copious amounts of) paper towels. I also do this twice to really get all the water out, and don’t be hesitant to really crush the hell out of them. Here’s what they should look like after:

Finally, I cook it at 400-425 for 35-45 minutes, stirring 2-3 times, in oil with maybe a little pepper, but no salt! In fact, avoid any more salt in whatever you use them for. They should be crisp but gooey. This batch is going on a pizza, which is a great combo, especially because you’re supposed to pre-heat a pizza stone for an hour, and so this way you can actually cook something while it’s heating and not feel bad about it.